If you can remember alll the way back to high school… I spent my first day crying in the bathroom.
Dramatic? You bet. But as a shy, nervous freshman at a new school, it felt like the world was ending.
Though I’d made the volleyball team a week before, every one of my teammates had a different schedule. Lunch was the bright spot I clung to. There, I’d have teammates to sit with—I’d confirmed it! I wouldn’t have to worry about who to sit with and could at least pretend to know what I was doing…or so I thought.
When the bell rang after geometry, I headed to the lunchroom, and my teammates were nowhere in sight. They’d misjudged their schedules and had a different lunch hour. It was all too much; so, I did the only thing I could think of—I headed to the bathroom and, well, you know the rest.
While we no longer face lunchroom worries, the same fear of being alone still creeps up when we walk into class and realize we don’t yet know anyone in our program, or when we decide to check out a new church off-campus. Or what about those of us who started college with a roommate we had never met before! Sometimes loneliness is experienced even in our own dorm rooms.
Besides this instance at lunch, I’ve spent many, many, times alone—especially these past few years. Yes, the pandemic is an obvious culprit, but throw in a lack of community, a new job, and a big move… there’ve been way more forced opportunities to be alone than I expected.
But what if we can take seasons of aloneness, which have great potential to breed loneliness, boredom, and idleness and actually enjoy being alone? How do we realize these times might just be a gift and produce something beautiful and fruitful?
Step 1: Enjoy Being Alone by Listening
Use this time to listen to God, and to what your body and soul desire. God gives us good gifts (James 1:17) and our incredible body—which he created—is one of those gifts. We need to listen to what our bodies want because they often signal our needs—needs God already knows, but that we might be missing.
When we’re alone, we have the time and ability to listen to our bodies more clearly. Are you hungry and want to slowly make a nourishing breakfast to highlight God’s good gift of food and flavor? Do you want to explore a passion God has placed in you by painting, reading, or exercising between classes? Perhaps you can use an evening to rest or make space for your mental health, instead of heading to the library again.
Being alone offers more space to figure out what fills you up (and less opinions about what those things are) and can make listening to the needs of your specific body and soul clearer. Remember: what you need is okay!
Step 2: Enjoy Being Alone by Learning
Learn and understand who God made you to be and lean into that. Yes, we’re all made in his image (Genesis 1:27), but we each reflect him in different ways, with unique gifts and talents (1 Corinthians 12:28). But do we really know what those gifts and talents are?
Often, we don’t take the time to be comfortable with who God has made us to be because we have the option to avoid being alone with ourselves. But there’s something to be said for accepting yourself for who God designed you to be— digging into your interests, understanding your dislikes, and investing in people who bring out the best version of you.
For me, this led to starting more activities that made me feel like me—like knitting and running. Learning to love who you are—who God made you to be— makes it easier to accept yourself and lean into your interests and passions.
God placed those interests and passions inside of you and with them, a unique design and purpose for your life. Who knows where they could lead you— an exciting career pathway, an opportunity to volunteer, another state? Regardless of the unique journey we’re on, knowing and loving ourselves gives us the opportunity to love God better using the talents, gifts, and passions he put inside of us.
Step 3: Enjoy Being Alone by Leaning
Lean on Jesus for support. When Jesus was alone in the desert being tempted (Matthew 4:1-11), he leaned on God to strengthen and sustain him, even though he was tired and hungry. In the same way, when we’re in a season of aloneness we can lean on Jesus—although it’s never easy and doesn’t look the same for everyone.
While it’s helpful for me to stick to a daily routine of morning devotions and afternoon Bible readings, for others it might look like finding an accountability partner, taking a walk in nature, or journaling out prayers. In whatever way we choose to spend time with Jesus, trusting in him and his word will help us stand firm, knowing he is with us in whatever season we’re going through.
I can look back now to being alone on my first day of high school and see how it led me into a season of growth—my confidence and self-reliance improved, I pursued new interests, and I learned to see the value I brought to different situations. In the same way, this current season of aloneness is the start of new growth too.
Times of aloneness aren’t easy . . . they’re quite hard. But they’re fruitful. And I can only hope God reveals some sort of fruitfulness from them, and that you begin to enjoy being alone, too.
Reflection:
- Do you like being alone? Why or why not?
- How have times of aloneness in your life shaped who you are today?
- What’s an interest, passion, or activity that God’s made you to love?
- Is there time in your week (whether it’s 2 hours, or 15 minutes) that you can spend doing that thing — just you and God?
